Angel Heart
by Fading wind
Summary: There was always the line between friends, which none of them dared to cross. [HughesRoy] [spoilers] [twoshot]
1. Angel Heart I

Title: Angel Heart  
Genre: Romance/Angst  
Pairing: Hughes x Roy  
Summary: There was always the line between friends, which neither of them dared to cross.  
Warnings: Shounen-ai. Spoilers for ep. 25.  
Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, nor the wonderful character song Angel Heart sung by Hughes's seiyuu, from which I got the title from, and also the ideas of this story.

**Angel Heart (Part I)**

_Hughes's POV_

_**i. the line between friends**_

I was scared. I didn't know when it was that my mind had crossed the line between friends. I was in love with him, and that was scary, because I already had a girlfriend. He had millions of girlfriends himself, so many that he couldn't keep count of, not that he could be bothered to do so. I tried to record this data, but failed. He had got to stage when he didn't even bother to tell me about his girlfriends. They were not worth talking about, he decided. None of them he really loved, I guessed. But I couldn't guess why he could still bother to go out with them if he didn't love them, and if he couldn't be bothered to do so many other things already.

The problem was, I loved my girlfriend, even though he didn't love his.

Watching him sometimes, I knew that the feelings I had for him weren't just friends. If they were, then Gracia would be 'just a friend' too. No, I loved him more than I was supposed to, and I was scared.

This was a different type of fear from any that I have known. Before, when I was a young kid, I feared little things in life, like creepy crawlies and bad dreams. At junior school, I feared the teacher telling me off for not handing in my homework in time, or being late for a lesson, or forgetting to bring the correct equipment to class. When I was in military training, I feared that I wasn't good enough to get into the military. During the war, I feared death. Death was sometimes the cost of knowledge, and I feared that I knew too much.

All those fears I could suppress. I could push them deep down into my heart, and only in the night when I was asleep would these fears come and haunt me in the forms of nightmares.

I couldn't get rid of this new fear. It overtook me, and only when I was with him would this fear subdue slightly. When he wasn't near, the fear ate away my heart, and I was hopeless against it. At night, as I lay in my empty bed, I would feel lonely. I tried to picture Gracia next to me, but it didn't quite work. I wouldn't let myself imagine him there. I was scared of what would happen if I did, because somehow I knew, without trying, that he was the only person who could wash away this loneliness.

Once, he fell asleep in the office after working in late hours. I couldn't find him via his home phone, so I went to the headquarters. He was there, his head slumped amidst the piles of paperwork, pen still in hand. I prodded his shoulder, and he didn't wake up, so, gently, I carried him over to the sofa. He was incredibly light. He wasn't as heavy as me, at least, and I decided that I would have to go on a diet. I lay him down, head resting on the arm of the sofa, and from the cupboard I found a small blanket, which I unfolded to cover his profile.

He looked cute, and I smiled. Unable to resist, I leaned down and kissed his forehead, softly. I wouldn't dare to kiss him anywhere else. It felt good, and I wished I hadn't done it, because now I wanted to kiss him again.

I cursed myself. It was only a sign of friendship. I shouldn't desire for more than that. I closed my eyes, because for a moment the pain was too hard to bear, and not having him in my sight relieved the burden a bit.

I left the room, and it was only until I was back in the dark, unlit corridor that I could let my eyes open.

He was my best friend, and nothing more.

_**ii. the freedom in the rain**_

The day I told him I was going to marry Gracia, I felt like my heart had been torn apart.

It was my fault. I'd thought about this for many months already. I'd been with Gracia for more than two years now, and I was sure that we loved each other. The image of him always tugged at those thoughts, but I tried to ignore its silent begging for me to put a stop to my relationship with Gracia. It just wasn't possible. Gracia and I were meant for each other.

She was overjoyed when I proposed to her, and for that split second I forgot about him entirely. I was sharing the joy. Then he entered my mind again, and it troubled me, because I'd gone beyond the point where I could turn back. It was too late now to do anything.

I didn't know if I regretted it or not. That was until I informed Roy of the news, of course. I'd pretended to be as enthusiastic as ever, with a big false smile on my face. The words came tumbling out of my mouth, and I couldn't hear what I was saying. He blinked, twice, and there was a small smirk on his face. A smirk, never a smile, as usual. "Congratulations," he said, and that made me hurt more than ever.

I didn't know how he could have not realised that I wasn't really happy. He'd been my best friend for longer than I could remember, and he had always understood me more than anyone else. If he didn't understand me, then no one else would. For the first time, I felt lonely in broad daylight, in his presence.

I invited him to come to the wedding and be my best man. He said he'd think about it, and later, in the middle of the night, I was woken up by the sound of the phone ringing. He agreed to come.

The next day I brought him over to Gracia's to get the two of them properly acquainted. They'd met before, but they'd barely exchanged a few words before he had to leave. He had a taste of Gracia's most wonderful apple pies. He said he quite liked her, but she was not the type of girl he'd go for.

"She's perfect for you."

The weather seemed to feel for me, because when we left it was raining. Both of us didn't have an umbrella. Gracia offered me an umbrella, but I turned her down. He frowned at me. When the door had shut behind us, he hissed at me, "Are you crazy? It's almost hailing here and you refused an umbrella..."

"Who cares?" I said, shrugging carefreely. I liked the feeling of the heavy rain pattering down on me. I couldn't see through my glasses anymore; the lenses were covered in water droplets. I reached for his hand, and I could feel his surprise when I grasped it in mine tightly.

"I can't see," I explained. He obliged and guided me home.

A long time afterwards, I could still feel the lingering warmth of his hand.

_**iii. the thoughts before death**_

Strangely, the last thoughts I had as I lay dying was not of my wife and daughter.

I was the infamous family man who annoyed everyone in headquarters with the numerous photographs of his cute little daughter and beautiful wife. Yet all thoughts of them were wiped away from my mind during those final few seconds of my life. There was just the picture of the man with messy raven hair and dark obsidian eyes.

It was a static picture, as if my mind had taken a mental snapshot of him. He was in his military uniform, and there was that arrogant smirk on his face. It was one of the features I loved about him. His everlasting confidence, his airiness.

I could feel the last drop of strength draining out of my body. The pain was departing too.

The picture changed. He was now wearing casual clothes. A blue shirt and scruffy jeans. He was wearing a genuine smile, something so rare it could be listed as one of the seven wonders of the world.

I felt like I was in a different world. I was leaving my own world behind. I knew that I was heading for a better world, but I still wanted to cling onto the world I'd lived in for nearly thirty years. I wanted to hold onto everything I'd had, my job, my family, and, most of all, him.

The picture altered again. This time I was standing with him, smiling brightly too. I was in a red shirt and white trousers, and these clothes were much cleaner than his.

I could see a white light in front of me, growing more brilliant by each passing moment.

Just before the light consumed me, the picture made its last alteration. We were facing each other. Our lips, mine and his, were sealed together, and his head was tilted slightly.

There was an strange joy spreading through me, stronger than any pain.

I was surrounded by the light. This was the end.

Blinded by the glare, I closed my eyes with reluctance, thus releasing my grip on my world.

_To be continued in part II..._

**A/N: **This is my first Hughes/Roy fic. I hope it's not too bad. And I did it in Hughes's POV too. He's a character I don't write about too often, so I hope he's not too OOC. (In fact, I don't think he's ever made an appearance in my fics before...) Please read & review to let me know what you think! I might do a companion piece in Roy's POV in the near future if this is successful.

**UPDATE  
**I have decided to do part II as well. I have already written it and it should be uploaded in the next few days or so. The next part will be in Roy's POV, describing pretty much the same events, but the last part is different, because Roy wasn't there when Maes died. And it is also longer than this part. Hope you will enjoy!


	2. Angel Heart II

Title: Angel Heart

Genre: Romance/Angst

Pairing: Hughes x Roy

Summary: There was always the line between friends, which none of them dared to cross.

Warnings: Shounen-ai. Spoilers for ep. 25.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, nor the wonderful character song Angel Heart sung by Hughes's seiyuu, from which I got the title from, and also the ideas of this story.

**Angel Heart (Part II)**

_Roy's POV_

_**i. the strangeness of the heart**_

I'd never been in love before.

I couldn't understand why it was called 'falling' in love. I wasn't in love with any of the girls I dated.

It wasn't my fault that I was a magnet for the opposite sex. I couldn't help my dashing looks. I had inherited them from my father, being almost an exact replica of him. Sometimes I wondered if my father used to suffer from the same problems as I did now. As I grew older, and my rank in the military went higher, things got more out of hand. Fifty love letters, ten bunches of roses and other flowers, and twenty boxes of assorted chocolate in heart shapes, all in a day. It was absurd. They were over-obsessive fangirls, and the only solution to get rid of most of them was to go out with a few of them and break all of their hearts. I knew I was cruel, but I couldn't see another way out.

Some of them were quite attractive, I guess, with pretty blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. But there was no feeling. No spark, as some would say.

I was jealous of Maes. He was deeply in love with his girlfriend, called Glacier or something... No wait, Gracia, that was it. According to him, that was, at least. For I couldn't tell what it was like to be in love. He'd only been in two or three relationships before, and he'd already found someone perfect for him. I couldn't even count how many girls I'd went out with. I wished I could be like him.

Maes once dragged me along to her house to meet her during lunch break. I'd only stayed for a few minutes, and suddenly I was no longer jealous of Maes. Instead, I was jealous of Gracia. The way she shared looks with Maes that only the two of them could interpret, the way they smiled at each other as if they had a secret between them, the way she sometimes rubbed her body against Maes like a cat would against its owner. My mind wasn't processing anything they were saying. My heart burnt with envy, and it was unbearable.

Eventually, I made up an excuse about Hawkeye and paperwork. It wasn't actually an excuse. As I ran at top speed back to headquarters after ignoring Maes's fervent calls for me to go back, I consulted my watch and realized with horror that it was nearly an hour after lunch break. Hawkeye _would_ kill me for being so late.

When I arrived, I heard her stern voice warning me about punctuality. It sounded distant. I responded with a nod, went into my office and sat down numbly on my seat. I glanced at the sea of paperwork flooding my desk, and surprisingly wasn't worried about that. I was still thinking about the visit to Gracia's.

Why was I jealous of _her_?

I was very confused. I had a slight headache and incoherent thoughts were swimming through my mind. A sharp knock on the door jerked me out of my absent-minded state. Of course, it had to be Hawkeye.

"Sir, you have to start working," she said. "You're never going to finish those before tomorrow unless you stay late tonight. You don't have a date, do you?" She frowned at me with concern. "Are you okay, sir?"

"I'm fine," I assured her. "I'll get on with the work."

And so I did, but the headache didn't stop. As the night drew near, all of my subordinates left, leaving me alone in the office. I vaguely remembered the pile of paperwork finally seeming to lessen. I thought I dozed off at some point, but I didn't know whether I was really asleep or not. I remembered someone walking into the office. It was Maes. He came over and prodded me in the shoulder. I wanted to tell him to stop it, but I was too tired to open my mouth. Then he lifted me up from my chair, and I felt like protesting, but I didn't. He dropped me onto the couch. All this he did carefully, treating me like some fragile material. He went out of my sight for several moments, then came back with my blanket. How did he know where the blanket was kept? My brain was too foggy to contemplate on this. I felt the coolness of the blanket as it landed on top of me. I saw Maes's lime-gold eyes peering at me. He was smiling. His face suddenly zoomed up close, so close that I couldn't distinguish his features anymore, and I felt something warm on my forehead.

He disappeared soon after that.

I had no idea whether it was all a dream or it really happened in real life. I wanted it to be neither, but the event was lodged firmly in my memory bank. It must be have been one out of the two.

I tried to convince myself that it was only it was only a sign of friendship, dream or not.

But deep down inside I knew it wasn't.

Because I wanted to relive that moment again, and I wanted it to last forever.

_**ii. the loss of feeling**_

The door burst open and the familiar figure bounced into the office.

"I'm getting married to Gracia!" he announced in a voice made high-pitched by eagerness.

I almost had a heart attack. I blinked twice to force down the shock. The feeling choked me. "Congratulations," I said wryly. My throat was dry. My lips automatically formed an ironic replacement of a smile to match my tone. But since when did it feel so unnatural to smirk?

Maes seemed happy enough, with a huge sunny smile pasted on his face. He was looking the complete opposite of what I was feeling. My heart had been dropped into a pit and I couldn't seem to retrieve it.

"You've got to be best man."

I muttered a response that I need some time to think about it. And so I did. I needed more bloody time than I had. That night I went home with millions of thoughts whirring in my mind, and voices of my inner selves buzzing in my ears in a fierce argument with each other. I downed a bottle of Scotch in one go. Then I found another bottle and lay on the couch drinking it.

I didn't know what time it was when I got up from my position and picked up the receiver of the phone. I dialled Maes's home phone, a sequence of numbers which I was so familiar with that I had the curious habit of giving it to other people when asked for my _own_ number. The ring sounded about ten times before Maes answered.

"Roy?"

"Yeah. I've thought about it."

"So you're gonna be best man?"

I felt uneasy. What had I planned to say? I'd forgotten. "Yeah," I said quickly.

There was silence at the other end of the line, then he said, "Great! You'll be here to witness one of the most precious moments in my life! So I'll see you tomorrow then. By the way, do you wanna go see my fiancee with me tomorrow?"

I remembered my last visit and squirmed, but I still agreed to go, not wanting to upset my best friend. We exchanged goodbyes and I slammed the receiver down. Some sort of anger was rushing out of me, and why I felt so furious was unfathomable. I should be glad that Maes was getting married at last to the woman he loved so much. Why wasn't I?

I glared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked so worn-out, so old, so sad. But why? There were too many questions that I couldn't find a reply to.

The next day, after work, I followed Maes to Gracia's. This time I took a better look at her appearance rather than how she behaved. She was a plain girl with short, light brown hair, much less pretty than most of the girls I went out with, but her sea-green eyes seemed to draw people to her. She had a very gentle smile which reflected her kindness.

Maes kept going on about what an excellent cook she was, but the apple pie I had was tasteless. Maes warned me that it was burning fresh from the oven, but it didn't feel hot at all. Maybe it was my problem. I felt horrible, and the apple pie made me want to throw up. I swallowed the urge though. I couldn't puke, not here, not now.

I whispered to Maes, "Can we leave now? I have a date soon." The date bit was made up, but Maes believed me. He told Gracia that he was busy and had to go. We both left the house and found ourselves immediately drenched by the pouring rain. Gracia kindly offered an umbrella to us, but to my utmost surprise he declined her offer.

"Are you crazy? It's almost hailing here and you refused an umbrella..."

"Who cares?" He grinned inanely. I stared at him as he danced about in the rain. Then, without warning, his hand grabbed mine. A spark of electricity surged through my arm and I almost let go reflexively. I looked at him, demanding an explanation.

"I can't see." It was true. Even I couldn't see through those wet lenses into his lime-gold eyes. So I let him hold onto me as we walked.

"He's perfect for you. But she's not my type," I said softly.

He just hmmed. We arrived at the apartment block I lived in. "Bye. Hope you get home safely," I said to him. "Wipe your glasses before you leave." He didn't listen to me and strolled away.

I watched him get smaller and smaller in the distance until he was an invisible dot in the horizon. There was only emptiness in me, and nothing else.

_**iii. the tears at the funeral**_

After Hawkeye had left, I stared down at the cold grey stone in front of me. All of this seemed unreal. Felt unreal. But it _was_ real.

I had unanswered questions which could never be answered now that he was gone. Did he love me like I loved him? More than friends? Did he really love Gracia that much?

I also had thousands of what if's. What if we'd never met each other? What if I'd told him that I loved him? What if he'd never met Gracia? What if he'd never married Gracia? What if we hadn't been best friends?

The only question which I had obtained the answer to at last was why it was called 'falling' in love. Because when you become in love with a person, you would have fallen into a deep abyss. And as time passed by, you would be constantly falling, deeper and deeper into the abyss, and it became harder and harder for you to try and climb out of the dark chasm. In time, it would become impossible to find your way out, and yet you would still be falling.

That was my own definition, at least, that I had conjured with my experience.

"I think she's in love with me. The way she speaks to me, the way she acts around me, the way she smiles at me." I meant Hawkeye, my most faithful and only female subordinate. "But I'm no expert in subtle love, am I? If I am, I might have seen if you were in love with me or not. And, anyway, I'm not in love with her. I can't be in love with her." I stressed the word 'can't'. "I think I'm still falling. I can't get out."

I looked up at the clear blue sky. The weather hadn't been so perfect for weeks. It was mocking me.

"And no one is able to help me to."

I let the last tear slide down my cheek.

I wished it would rain like it had rained on the day of my second visit to Gracia's.

_The End_

**A/N: **I have finally completed this second part to Angel Heart. This is longer than the first part, and I hope that it will be slightly better too, but I don't know about that. Please read & review to let me know!


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